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Muppets Meet the Mouse

The London Times Commentary on Disney's Purchase of The Muppets:

The problem is, do they want the Muppets back so badly that they’re willing for Disney to be in charge of them? Let’s face it — on most analyses of the company’s business practices or its artistic oeuvre, modern Disney sucks. And while there are many things that it sucks at — theme parks, fending off hostile takeover bids from Comcast, keeping any parent in its children’s films alive past the first reel — what it surely sucks at the most is being funny. The entire Disney corporation couldn’t tell a joke if Mickey Mouse’s life depended on it. Or, rather, it could — but it would first have to pass it through three focus groups, all its senior management, Disney’s representatives in China, the National Rifle Association, the League of Decency and, probably, Condoleezza Rice, just to check that it wouldn’t offend anyone, and subsequently lose the company a single $5 ticket at the box office.
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The problem is that Disney — as one must expect from a global business enterprise — tends to think of its intellectual properties in terms of merchandising opportunities, rather than the opportunity for some great chicken-gags. It’s telling that the announcement about the Muppets’ relaunch (The Muppet Wizard of Oz, starring Quentin Tarantino and Ashanti) mentioned that Muppet ringtones and screen-savers would precede any actual artistic content.

It also gives a surprisingly good history of the series in context:

When Peter Sellers appeared on the show, it was as a long-time follower of Gonzo, whom he saw as an influence on his portrayal of Inspector Clouseau. When Brooke Shields pitched up in the fifth series, still at the tender age of 15, she spent two days in the Creature Workshop being taught how to make Muppets. One of Henson’s big plans was to try to reunite the Beatles through the show. Paul and Ringo were up for it, apparently, but John was killed — although, thankfully, not by Statler and Waldorf — before the scheme came to fruition. (Link)

This isn't Wendy's chili!

This is just sick. A guy goes into Kohl's Frozen Custard, finds a severed finger in his custard. It's not like Wendy's, though - they know the person to whom the finger belongs. A worker accidentally sliced off his index finger at the first knuckle, and a co-worker served up the custard before being told what had happened. No problem, right? Right, except that the customer won't give the finger back. He's probably thinking lawsuit, and he's willing to show the finger to anyone in the media, but he steadfastly refuses to give the finger back. The Kohl's employee cannot have it sewn back on because of this loser.

Again, this makes me want to watch the Hitcher.

Star Wars Graffiti

via The Wooster Collective

Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum

On Easter morning, 10 year old Jacob came and jumped into bed with me. As per usual, I was sleeping in a pair of boxer shorts. Suddenly channeling Captain Jack Sparrow, Jacob asks (in a completely serious manner), "Is it possible to make a rope out of human back hair?"

It's sick, I know, but that didn't stop me from laughing my ass off.

Squirrels

The Aggressive Mutant Squirrels of Athens, GA: Explained

Woman #1: Do you think squirrels get addicted to nicotine?
Woman #2: Oh my God! I feel so bad for them. I mean they must, right? What with all the cigarette butts they eat.
(from Overheard in New York)

Worth1000 Presents...Bad Casting